The Veranda Dress Story
This is an important story that I’ve come to share in many of my meetings with wedding couples. It is a powerful illustration of some of the ideas and concepts that shape my approach to photography. The moment took place at a wedding I photographed on the west coast of Sweden a few years ago.
The bride was getting ready when she turned to me and asked:
"Where do you want me to sit when I put on my wedding dress so it looks good in the photos?"
I understood her question completely. When you search online or scroll through Pinterest while planning your wedding, you are bombarded with grand portfolio images of everything from the getting-ready moments to those "natural love walks through wheat fields at sunset, hand in hand, looking effortlessly in love." You know...
I acknowledged her question — yes, of course I can find a place with beautiful light — but I also wanted to offer her an alternative way of thinking. So I responded with another question:
"Where do YOU want to put on YOUR wedding dress for the first and last time in your life?"
Pause. Think about this. It may sound a little deep in a wedding setting that is often expected to be happy-go-lucky. But the question matters. Especially on your wedding day before it is over. It is much easier to create a “pretty” picture than it is to reflect on who you are, what you want, and how you want to experience life and the present moment. A beautiful image can be produced with a clear method that works whether you reflect or not. But taking a moment to reflect before you put on your dress is time well invested. The difference lies in intention — meaning versus the absence of meaning.
“Where do YOU want to put on YOUR wedding dress for the first and last time in your life?”
She paused for a moment and then said:
"I want to sit out on the veranda, in the sun, watching the boats go by while I drink champagne."
“I want to sit out on the veranda, in the sun, watching the boats go by while I drink champagne.”
Wow. How about THAT! Can you feel the difference there? There it was — the thing the photograph should actually be about. A real moment worth capturing.
This leads us to one of the most important insights:
I could have placed her in that exact same spot to take the exact same picture — but the meaning behind the image would have been completely different. We could have had two technically identical photos of a bride drinking champagne and looking at the boats. One created purely for the sake of the photo, where she performs for the camera, doing something because I told her to. The other capturing her genuine experience.
Two identical photos, but with entirely different meanings — and you cannot see the difference in the image itself. Whoops, how do we look for our wedding photographer knowing of this perspective? We will get into this later.
A question for you here...
If you had to choose — between a more polished, well-produced image of you pretending to do something you’re not actually doing (for the sake of the photo), and a less perfect image capturing a once-in-a-lifetime moment you never want to forget — which one would you choose?
Which image would you save from a burning house if you could only save one?
This moment was important because it made her reflect on what she actually wanted rather on what to look like. And to choose her experience. She went from someone who expected to be placed in a beautiful spot, to someone who chose and owned her moment. Taking her moment seriously.
And here is a great win win irony for you
This mindful approach to those moments actually also solves the visually appealing part — which is secondary in this context. The approach leads to true beauty in the photos but from the right place where beauty is not the goal but the result. How? Because when you genuinely begin to value your experience, you naturally position yourself differently.
With this approach you will NOT sit stressed in a dark corner of an ugly room next to a pink trash bin, trying to rush into your dress to get it over with on your wedding day. No — when you take this moment seriously and learn to truly value it, you will naturally place yourself somewhere you can enjoy the light, the view, the atmosphere. A place you are drawn to. Even if there isn’t a chair there because people don’t usually sit in that spot — you’ll bring one over and place it there, because that is where the experience is best for you.
You will choose how YOU truly want to experience the moment, rather than simply following the paths others have laid out for you. You will do rather than look like you do.
This is not so much about what you do as the reason behind why you do what you do. It is about valuing your experience and refining it. When you apply this approach it gives you both a deeper and more meaningful experience and at the same time it makes your wedding photos feel alive. Photos that are not posed or stiff. The photos will achieve both being “pretty” and meaningful. Because you’re not posing but being. You take command over your experience not because the look of it but for the feel of it.
If this story resonated with you, you may also enjoy:
• Let Your Personality Shape Your Wedding – a deeper guide on planning from who you truly are rather than what you think you should look like.
• More Wedding Stories – real moments that reveal how intention shapes both the experience and the photographs.
